Home VHS: Up with the Joneses

*dainty string music*

Hello, is that the Prime Minister?

Oh, he's busy is he? Well, I certainly hope you're of an equivalent rank...

My name is Daphne Bot-TOME.

Spelled B-O-T-T-O-M.

I was wondering if the PM would like to attend one of my evening soirées.

Perhaps he could do some networking with the elite of the Coventry social circuit.

Hello? I seem to have been cut off... Hello?

<fzzt>

Now Derek, I want everything to be perfect for my soirée.

Is that the best suit you have?

It's the tuxedo I wore on our wedding day!

Oh. It will do, I suppose. Are the candles ready? The special beeswax...

... beeswax candles with the silken wicks, yes, they're ready.

It should all go well, as long as no-one unusual turns up...

*car backfiring outside*

Oh no, it's my sister Sylvia and her slovenly husband Arklow!

Get rid of them, Derek! The PM could be here any minute!

The Prime Minister isn't...

Get RID of them!

<fzzt>

Oh, hello there Mr Prime Minister. I'm Arklow, and this is Sylvia.

Any chance of another bacon sarnie, Daphne?

<long groan>